NATURE PORN! 20 FAMOUS PENIS ROCKS, VAGINA CAVES AND BREAST MOUNTAINS
Man is obsessed with phallic and yonic imagery (that’s the female version of a phallus for everyone who doesn’t watch Lifetime).
Just take a look at the penis cemetery in Iran. Or the Washington Monument. And did you know that some scientists think Stonehenge was a fertility symbol? From overhead it does kind of look like a man’s unit inside a woman’s squish mitten.
But it’s not just mankind that’s all into sexual imagery. There are phallic and yonic symbols all over the world that were created by nature.
Consider mountains. Mountains already look like giant breasts. There’s even a set of twin peaks in Wyoming called Grand Teton, which means “big tits” in French.
But there are a few mountains that look exceptionally human. Like Rodinga, in central Australia…
If that was on a human, that would be an exceptional breast. Good lift, nice roundness. But the cherry on top is, well, the cherry on top. There’s no denying that that mountain has a nipple. And evidently it’s a little cold.
But apparently not as cold as Bakersfield, Texas, where the Squaw Teat Mountaincontinues to arouse drivers on the I-10.
However, it’s called Boob Mountain, not Boobs Mountains, for a reason: there’s only oneboob. That’s only half the package. Everyone knows breasts are only successful in pairs. Fortunately, nature didn’t forget about that. But in a mean stroke of irony, nature decided to put the only pair of boob mountains in a country where the women aren’t renowned for their cup size… China.
Today, people call this stunningly realistic set of hooters the “Big Breast Mountains,” but since our ancestors weren’t as perverted, they named them Shuangru Peak (despite the fact that the plural “peaks” seems more appropriate). Theye’re located in Zhenfeng County in China’s Guizhou Province, and couples that are soon to be married come from all over the country to worship at the foot of these mountainous mammaries, believing it will bring goodness and prosperity (if only real ones were capable of doing the same).
Look, we’d like to think that Mother Nature is delicate and classy, but clearly that’s not the case when she’s flashing her junk all over the earth. First it was the chest, and now we’re delving below the waist.
Forget Girls Gone Wild. This is nature gone wild.
This beaver shot was taken just outside of St. Catherine, Jamaica, where the locals call this vaginal rock formation the “Pum Pum Rock” — pum pum being slang for that other P-word we call cats and scared people. As in, “Don’t be a pum pum, mon, just stick yo head in da Pum Pum Rock.”
Here’s nature again advertising her wares at the Alderman Islands in New Zealand…
And here she is flashing the nani in Boulder Park, California…
Since nature has clearly abandoned modesty, it’s time to update her look for the sexually enlightened 21st century. That’s why someone gave the McCarren Park “Vagina Tree” in Brooklyn a little ornamentation.
As we’ve seen, Mother Nature has a bangin’ body. But let’s not forget that she’s a hermaphrodite.
Yeah, it’s kinda freaky, but in order to represent all living things on this planet, it was necessary for her to showcase both male and female genitalia.
That’s why we find phallic rock formations all over the world. Rocks, like penises, come in many different colors, shapes and sizes.
For instance, there’s this flaccid tally whacker in Carefree, Arizona that has been crudely named Cock Rock.
Then there’s the Phallic Rock in Molokai, Hawaii. We kid you not, legend has it that a woman who spends the night with this rock will become pregnant. So that explains the white splotches.
Some women might consider Phallic Rock lacking in the size department, although it does seem to have admirable girth. Don’t worry, the penis rock at Kodachrome Basin State Parkin Utah is packing enough heat to make up for the shortcomings of Phallic Rock.
Unlike some other phallic rocks, this one comes complete with all the necessary bits and pieces. Even though the park has 60 of these sand pipes, which are found nowhere else on the planet, this particular one has been nicknamed Big Stoney for obvious reasons — it’s stone, duh!
If one ain’t enough, there’s always this…
Dick measuring contest in progress.
Yeah, it’s kinda pointy and stabby at the tip, but you gotta respect the work nature did with that circumcision. These bad boys are located in the appropriately named Love Valley inCappadocia, Turkey. The scenery is breathtaking (perhaps even intimidating to some men), but there’s no doubt that this is the biggest stone sausage fest in the world.
Clearly, nature has done a whoreish job of spreading her naughty bits all over the world. But what’s really strange is that in a few locations, there are rock formations in the shape of male AND female genitalia… side by side. The odds of that happening are way too high for this not to be deliberate.
Check this out: in Sagada, Philippines, there’s a cave system that has a vagina rock called“Queen’s Vagina”…
…right next to a penis rock named “King’s Penis”.
Same thing in Arches National Park in Utah. There’s a phallic rock formation so close to a yonic rock formation that if they weren’t inanimate, they would totally be boning right now.
If you thought that was graphic, wait until you see this. The Grandmother Rock (Hin Yai)and Grandfather Rock (Hin Ta) on Koh Samui island in Thailand are the most famous penis rock and vagina rock displays in the world. And when you see this, you’ll know why so many couples go on honeymoon here — it sets the mood…
Nature just went from sexy to nasty. If anyone is looking over your shoulder right now, they’re probably judging you. But just tell them that there’s a legit reason why that vagina rock appears to be in a post-coital state of sloppiness. It’s because when the waves crash against the rock, the white foam from the ocean water collects in the crevice. Okay, with that graphic description, they’re probably still judging you, but at least you have a reasonable explanation for why that looks so naughty.
Oh, but we’re not done with sexual landscapes. This foray into erotic earth exhibits continues in Guangdong, China, where the Danxia Mountain is yet another place where we find rock formations in the shape of male and female genitalia close to one another. This isElder Peak…
…and just below that is Mother Stone.
Wow, that is accurate. Disturbingly accurate. Which seems to make these ladies proud:
We don’t know why nature insisted on putting penis and vagina rock formations dangerously close to each close, because THIS is the inevitable result…
Hot damn, that is some hardcore, uncensored nature porn right there. Thank goodness nature was decent enough to keep this graphic sex display underground in Lang’s Cave inGunung Mulu National Park in Borneo (supposedly their tagline is: “Borneo, Where Nature Will Make You Horneo”).
We understand if you got turned on by that image, but it would be weird to act on it. So keep your hands on the keyboard and tell us if you’ve ever seen naughty phallic symbols in nature.
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